Self Sabotoge and Emotional Eating

 I have come to the conclusion that I do this to myself. I can go a few hours (just being honest) or a few days and be very good about eating within my points (on WW). Then I get freaked out and have the urge to shove food in my face. I am DEFINITELY an emotional eater. (EE for short).

I haven't always been fat. See? That's me in college. I weighed about 139 in that pic and was like a 7/8 I think. I even wore a 5/6 at one point!  There were a few times in my life that I can remember a relative or 2 tell me I needed to gain some weight. If only that were true now. lol. There are times where I need to remind myself that I have given birth to 4 children. I am capable of exercise and do quite well with my trainer. I average about an 800 calorie burn twice a week with him. Actually, I make it a point to make sure I hit 800 cals every time I work out with him.

The worst time for me with the eating is at night, after the kids and the hubby are in bed. For some reason, I feel like I NEED to eat, even if I KNOW I am full. I think a lot of that is habit. Is it my reward for making it through the day? Is it my way of dealing with the pressure and the anxiety about different things? Is it my way of celebrating? Is it all of the above and more? Is it comfort? Yes. Not necessarily all of the above at once, but one or 2 things that bring it to the forefront.

Our cousin's son is getting married in 15 weeks. I'm really hoping that I can lose 30 lbs by then. My BFF is getting married in 34 weeks. I really want to have lost 75 or 80 lbs by then.

I just need to stop sabotaging myself. I mentioned that to my husband the other day. He agreed that I tend to do that. I will be on a good streak and then all of a sudden....it comes to a SCREECHING halt. I also told him he has to stop agreeing or asking if I need anything. As in, "do you want me to go get you something?" "Do you want a cappuccino?" etc. I LOVE that my husband is so kind and wants to make me happy, but like I told him, that stuff only leaves me temporarily happy and when the feeling of euphoria is over, I'm left feeling guilty, fat, bloated, sad, etc. Not good at all.

My goal is to work through this by writing, reading or exercising. I need to keep my mind off of eating my feelings or what not. It can be very hard. I know there are a ton of people who understand that. I'm trying to figure out why I feel like I "can't" do this, when I very well CAN. What is keeping me from losing this weight? What am I afraid of? What is blocking me? I mean, I don't want to be fat. I want to be thin again. lol. There's obviously something holding me back..... I can't conquer what I don't acknowledge or face. I wish I knew what it was.

So today I went and got myself a case of bottled water. It is bad for the environment, yes, but it helps me track what I am drinking. I am going to flood this body with water. This time tomorrow I will be floating! :)

Have a great night.