Self Sabotoge and Emotional Eating

 I have come to the conclusion that I do this to myself. I can go a few hours (just being honest) or a few days and be very good about eating within my points (on WW). Then I get freaked out and have the urge to shove food in my face. I am DEFINITELY an emotional eater. (EE for short).

I haven't always been fat. See? That's me in college. I weighed about 139 in that pic and was like a 7/8 I think. I even wore a 5/6 at one point!  There were a few times in my life that I can remember a relative or 2 tell me I needed to gain some weight. If only that were true now. lol. There are times where I need to remind myself that I have given birth to 4 children. I am capable of exercise and do quite well with my trainer. I average about an 800 calorie burn twice a week with him. Actually, I make it a point to make sure I hit 800 cals every time I work out with him.

The worst time for me with the eating is at night, after the kids and the hubby are in bed. For some reason, I feel like I NEED to eat, even if I KNOW I am full. I think a lot of that is habit. Is it my reward for making it through the day? Is it my way of dealing with the pressure and the anxiety about different things? Is it my way of celebrating? Is it all of the above and more? Is it comfort? Yes. Not necessarily all of the above at once, but one or 2 things that bring it to the forefront.

Our cousin's son is getting married in 15 weeks. I'm really hoping that I can lose 30 lbs by then. My BFF is getting married in 34 weeks. I really want to have lost 75 or 80 lbs by then.

I just need to stop sabotaging myself. I mentioned that to my husband the other day. He agreed that I tend to do that. I will be on a good streak and then all of a sudden....it comes to a SCREECHING halt. I also told him he has to stop agreeing or asking if I need anything. As in, "do you want me to go get you something?" "Do you want a cappuccino?" etc. I LOVE that my husband is so kind and wants to make me happy, but like I told him, that stuff only leaves me temporarily happy and when the feeling of euphoria is over, I'm left feeling guilty, fat, bloated, sad, etc. Not good at all.

My goal is to work through this by writing, reading or exercising. I need to keep my mind off of eating my feelings or what not. It can be very hard. I know there are a ton of people who understand that. I'm trying to figure out why I feel like I "can't" do this, when I very well CAN. What is keeping me from losing this weight? What am I afraid of? What is blocking me? I mean, I don't want to be fat. I want to be thin again. lol. There's obviously something holding me back..... I can't conquer what I don't acknowledge or face. I wish I knew what it was.

So today I went and got myself a case of bottled water. It is bad for the environment, yes, but it helps me track what I am drinking. I am going to flood this body with water. This time tomorrow I will be floating! :)

Have a great night.

Sodium sucks

Last week I lost 3.5 lbs. I weigh in on Friday mornings. Well, this week, I had gained that 3.5 lbs back that I worked so hard for (5 days a week at the gym and an extra 55xx burned during those workouts). My measurements were up, too, a bit. I was NOT HAPPY.

I know that a lot of it had to do with the fact that I ate a few, ok, daily ate Smart Ones. That pre-packaged food is SO convenient but SO bad with the sodium content. I also didn't drink enough water and it probably didn't help that I ate a few pieces of chocolate chip cookie with icing...Yeah, I know.

But, I did my workout with my trainer and my friend and burned my 800 cals for the hour. For the rest of the night last night I just kept drinking. Water and "lemonade" flavored water...this morning I woke up and the scale was down 2.5 lbs. That was before the normal bodily functions.... I hope that tomorrow morning, it's down even more. I hate the fact that those things are so convenient, but obviously cause bloating and swelling with their sodium contents. BLAH. It's such a trade off.

I'm drinking more water. My trainer, N, thinks that I should drink a gallon of water a day. WHAT DA HELL? I will float away! lol. I also don't think that I can drink that much. My water HAS to be COLD. I mean, COLD. Like with ice particles/chips/whatever you want to call it. lol. Besides, Dr Pepper tastes so much better. :) I know, I know, that's a problem.

So today has been NO processed foods. Seeing that "gain", water weight or retention or whatever, was a smack in the face. I've got 34 weeks til my BFF gets married. I want to lose at least 70 lbs. That's totally doable at 2 lbs a week. Of course, I won't be at my goal weight, but close enough.

Anyway, here's hoping that this water intake helps float away some of the extra pounds this week. lol.